From the Waitress....

Tips for those who enjoy dining out:

When your waitress asks "are you ready to order?" don't say yes unless you are indeed completely ready to order.

When the person next to you orders water and you think you might want one too, don't wait til she comes back with your neighbor's water to order your own. Pretty sure that the pitcher/tap is in the same place and she'll just have to walk back there again.

Also, if you want a lemon, or ice, or prefer your H2O iceless, just specify. It's not that much extra work for you and saves her yet another trip.

Please refrain from asking for the list of salad dressings and side dishes multiple times at one table. It's listed in the menu, she always says it at least once, so just be a dear and listen when she's talking.

If the waitress says "Hello, how are you?" the polite response is "Hello. I'm well, how are you?" Not "I'd like a BLT and a diet coke. Oh and what side dishes do you have?"

Try ordering something that she suggests. She works there, you know. But never, and I repeat NEVER, say "you pick." That, my friend, is a horrible thing to do to a woman who already has enough things to balance besides trying to make sure she can read your mind and decide what you could possibly like to eat. You're an adult, you can pick your own meal, I'm sure.

If dining with children, make sure they get lids for their cups. And if you could corral all the crayons before you leave, you might just get yourself another crown in heaven.

Also, if dining with children, leave a sizable tip.

For that matter, leave a sizable tip any time you dine out. That girl is working her ass off trying to keep you happy, so cut her a break and say thank you in a way that she'll be able to use. Smiles are great too, but honestly she's a working girl and most likely needs to pay rent. Maybe she'll go to graduate school someday and end up being your therapist. Wouldn't you want her to be as well adjusted and as prepared as possible? Tipping that few extra dollars now is a small price to pay for her to keep her sanity.... who knows? In the future, she might help you keep yours.