lovely. absolutely lovely.

It's not that I am jealous. It's just that you're leaving... kinda. I mean, you'll still be here, but you'll be there more than here. With me, I mean. There, not here. I'm glad for you, happy, ecstatic, so thrilled - I've got that jump-for-joy smile on my face! Most of the time. Except when I'm crying because I can't stand this. Any of it. Nothing. Could we just rewind? Please? Last year, when dreams weren't quite coming true, wasn't everything fine?

(Oh, I am Anne of Green Gables, aren't I?)

I think maybe that the dreams seem so clear for you, from my perspective. He's wonderful, she's great for you, that's such a good school, you really have such potential and so many open doors! And you know, God opens doors and closes them, so you're really well taken care of. Right? Right. From here, everything is clear as those freshly cleaned glasses in our dishdrainer.... hmm, that metaphor doesn't work well, does it? The water stains remind me of all the clouds on my horizon, all the worries and fears and giant Goliath question marks. And I'm not as faithful or trusting as that old stone slinger we hear about.

(Oh, if I could just relax!)

It's hard to live just today and to trust that I'll be given the dreams and the purpose I'm lacking. That hole in my heart makes me a little shaky. But, my oh my, did you look lovely this afternoon. I know... it'll be ok. Good. Great. Perfect. Yes, you looked lovely.